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Financial Infidelity

May 27, 2009

in Personal Finance

Infidelity can be devastating to a relationship. But sexual infidelity isn’t the only kind of cheating that can ruin a marriage. Financial infidelity has similar effects, and it is extremely common.

Financial infidelity is a term that encompasses all sorts of lies that are related to money. It takes on numerous forms, some more serious than others. Any type of lie, financial or otherwise, can take its toll on a relationship. But when there’s money involved, it’s not only a matter of trust – it’s also a possible threat to the couple’s livelihood.

In many cases, financial infidelity consists of one or both partners hiding the fact that they have spent money. Sometimes people do this in an attempt to surprise their spouses with a gift or vacation. Other times, they want to buy something for themselves, their children or a family member but do not feel that their partner would approve. The most troubling cases are linked to gambling or the other kind of infidelity.

But sometimes financial infidelity goes the other way: a partner hides money or credit that he or she has from the other partner. When credit cards or loans are involved, the guilty party may be using them for purposes that he or she doesn’t want the other party to know about, or perhaps he or she just feels that the partner would not approve. When actual money is involved, the one who hides it may be trying to keep his or her partner from spending money frivolously. But no matter what the motives, a lie is a lie.

Preventing Financial Infidelity

Cases of financial infidelity often involve couples who have never really discussed money matters. They haven’t set boundaries as to what is and is not acceptable when it comes to finances, and may even try to avoid the subject. Without any ground rules in place, neither party knows what the other expects, so it’s easy to justify doing their own thing without consulting or informing the other partner.

In order to prevent such a scenario, it’s crucial to discuss money matters with your prospective partner before you merge finances in any way. Discussing such things isn’t particularly romantic, but it can save you both a great deal of heartache later on. Talk about who will be responsible for paying the bills and whether you should have a joint bank account or separate ones. Set up a budget and come to a consensus on how much money you will put into savings. And decide how much money one partner can spend without notifying the other.

Some couples set aside a certain amount of money each month for discretionary spending. Each partner gets the same amount, and is able to spend it however he or she pleases. Any spending beyond that allowance must be discussed and approved first. This helps abate the urge to hide spending from one another.

Financial lies may seem harmless, but they can do irreparable damage to a relationship. As with everything, honesty is the best policy. If your relationship is otherwise healthy, it is usually possible to come to a consensus on money matters without hiding anything from one another.

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Five Common Financial Lies

May 16, 2009

in Personal Finance

Dishonesty can ruin friendships, relationships with bosses and co-workers, and even family ties. But in a marriage or domestic partnership, it is particularly harmful. Finding out that your significant other has been deceiving you is a difficult thing to deal with, and it can easily destroy a relationship.

Lies come in all shapes and sizes. But some of the most common types of lies between couples are those of a financial nature. Sometimes they’re told with the couple or family’s best interests in mind. Other times, they are just cover-ups for bad decision making or inappropriate behavior on the guilty party’s part. But no matter what the reason, financial lies are just as bad as any other kind of lie.

There are many aspects of our financial lives that we may feel the need to conceal. Here are five of the most common financial lies.

1. Hiding credit card statements ? One of the easiest ways to spend money undetected is to charge it. If one partner is responsible for paying the credit card bill, the other may never see it anyway. And it’s not hard to get away with hiding one monthly statement every now and then. This lie of omission is one of the easiest to get past an unsuspecting partner.

2. Concealing gambling winnings or losses ? Gambling is a very expensive pastime. It’s also highly addictive. Gamblers often keep their activities a secret from the ones they love, including the money they win or (in most cases) lose. Those who lose a small amount and quit may feel that it’s no one else’s business since they’ve learned their lesson. Those who lose large amounts might be embarrassed or fear the repercussions of telling the truth. And those who are addicted may be in denial, waiting for that big win that makes up for their losses and then some.

3. Understating spending ? Some financial lies are more like half-truths. Sometimes people spend more money than they should, and when confronted about their purchases, fudge the numbers to avoid an argument. This might seem like the right thing to do to preserve the relationship, but it’s detrimental to the budget and can cause serious problems when discovered.

4. Secret bank accounts ? Opening a secret bank account is often done with good intentions. One partner might feel like it’s the only way to keep the other from dipping into savings. Sometimes, however, a secret bank account is opened to conceal bad behavior. And if the other partner finds out about it, the chances are good that he or she will assume the latter. Either way, hiding a bank account is not a good thing.

5. Secret credit cards ? Keeping credit cards a secret is surprisingly common. One partner might secretly get a card in his or her own name, in the other partner’s name, or in both names. If the other partner’s name is on the card without his or her knowledge, identity theft has been committed. And even if the card is only in the cardholder’s name, it can affect the chances of getting joint credit in the future.

Nothing good can come out of financial lies in a relationship. Even seemingly small lies can come back to haunt us. Being honest about money matters may sometimes lead to conflict, but such conflicts are much easier to work out than those that stem from the discovery of lies.

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