Financial Infidelity

Infidelity can be devastating to a relationship. But sexual infidelity isn’t the only kind of cheating that can ruin a marriage. Financial infidelity has similar effects, and it is extremely common.

Financial infidelity is a term that encompasses all sorts of lies that are related to money. It takes on numerous forms, some more serious than others. Any type of lie, financial or otherwise, can take its toll on a relationship. But when there’s money involved, it’s not only a matter of trust – it’s also a possible threat to the couple’s livelihood.

In many cases, financial infidelity consists of one or both partners hiding the fact that they have spent money. Sometimes people do this in an attempt to surprise their spouses with a gift or vacation. Other times, they want to buy something for themselves, their children or a family member but do not feel that their partner would approve. The most troubling cases are linked to gambling or the other kind of infidelity.

But sometimes financial infidelity goes the other way: a partner hides money or credit that he or she has from the other partner. When credit cards or loans are involved, the guilty party may be using them for purposes that he or she doesn’t want the other party to know about, or perhaps he or she just feels that the partner would not approve. When actual money is involved, the one who hides it may be trying to keep his or her partner from spending money frivolously. But no matter what the motives, a lie is a lie.

Preventing Financial Infidelity

Cases of financial infidelity often involve couples who have never really discussed money matters. They haven’t set boundaries as to what is and is not acceptable when it comes to finances, and may even try to avoid the subject. Without any ground rules in place, neither party knows what the other expects, so it’s easy to justify doing their own thing without consulting or informing the other partner.

In order to prevent such a scenario, it’s crucial to discuss money matters with your prospective partner before you merge finances in any way. Discussing such things isn’t particularly romantic, but it can save you both a great deal of heartache later on. Talk about who will be responsible for paying the bills and whether you should have a joint bank account or separate ones. Set up a budget and come to a consensus on how much money you will put into savings. And decide how much money one partner can spend without notifying the other.

Some couples set aside a certain amount of money each month for discretionary spending. Each partner gets the same amount, and is able to spend it however he or she pleases. Any spending beyond that allowance must be discussed and approved first. This helps abate the urge to hide spending from one another.

Financial lies may seem harmless, but they can do irreparable damage to a relationship. As with everything, honesty is the best policy. If your relationship is otherwise healthy, it is usually possible to come to a consensus on money matters without hiding anything from one another.